i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
