my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
