Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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