it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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