I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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