Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
