They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I need moral support for this bender
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
