Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
