At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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