nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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