goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
