I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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