did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
