Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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