we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
