Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
