she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
