Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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