When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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