yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
