its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
