Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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