i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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