oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
