So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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