you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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