I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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