Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
