The best revenge is premature balding
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
