he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
