Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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