Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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