her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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