Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
