if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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