Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
