You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
