her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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