Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
