It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
40s are totally the cure
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
