I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
