You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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