Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
