I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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