also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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