Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
