Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
