So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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