end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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