I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize