i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
