I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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